The How-to-Kiss Guide

1. Start things slow.

You’ve taken the time to really build up to this moment with all your best suggestive glances, lip-biting, and flirty-touch moves. Now that the moment’s here, it’s time to jump in (as in, with your tongue, and to the back of their throat). Right?

Not quite. While a makeout session that becomes fast and aggressive can be plenty of fun, it rarely works to start on that note immediately. It can be something you work up to — quickly, slowly, or never — but let the first kiss, before you’ve found your rhythm, be a slower and gentler one, using lighter pressure.

2. Keep your mouth soft and relaxed.

By soft, we mean that literally — are your lips adequately balmed up? — and also, well, again literally. Neither a cranked-open jaw nor a closed-mouth, hard pucker is the most pleasant to smooch. Keep your lips just apart enough, allowing the kisses to be soft and deep, and keep your mouth relaxed. You want to see where the kiss takes you.

3. Switch your area of focus and/or your speed.

Ready to extend the kiss into a longer makeout session? Try gradually picking up speed, using varying degrees of pressure, or shifting your focus between lips, from top to bottom. While you’re focused on the bottom, try giving it a little emphasis on little, unless you and your partner have already had pain-as-pleasure conversations indicating otherwise — nibble, bite, or tug.

4. Speaking of the area of focus — move things away from their lips.

Lips are great and all. But letting your mouth travel away from them for a while is fun, too. Other spots that make for good kissing destinations include: their jawbone; their ears, including the spot just behind the lobes; their collarbone; and their neck, including the back of the neck.

All of these are easy to reach, with a light trail of kisses to get you there, from your partner’s mouth, and odds are they’ll find it just as (or even more) enjoyable as a lip-to-lip smooch. While there are some standard feel-good zones on the body, including the above ones, everyone has their own preferences. Ask your partner if they have any erogenous zones they’d like special attention paid to, and see if you can notice areas where they’re more sensitive — in a good way — while kissing.

5. Go easy on the tongue.

This doesn’t necessarily mean hold off on using tongue altogether. But, in general, tongues tend to take up more than their fair share of space in how-to-kiss conversations.

Too often, internet kissing advice will make you think tongue — and lots of it — is synonymous with making out. But unless learning how to french kiss is specifically what you’re after, you can have a plenty steamy makeout session with only a light amount of tongue involved (or none at all!). If you do want to incorporate a little tongue, don’t be forceful. Less is more here, and your goal shouldn’t be to lick the inside of your partner’s throat. Keep it playful and light, and don’t try to force a rhythm. Pay attention to your partner’s cues, too.

6. Don’t overthink it.

This is easier said than done at times. But for a kiss that lets you truly be in your body — as the best kisses should! — Try to stay out of your head. Being in the present, rather than internally rattling off to yourself how-to-kiss steps, is the best way to kiss better. It’ll let you pay closer attention to how your partner is responding, and it’ll keep you loose and responsive, too.

7. Don’t forget to breathe, either!

By this point, you might find yourself getting caught up in the moment, but don’t forget to breathe. There’s no rush, and more to the point, the idea here isn’t to appear as though you’re trying to hold your breath underwater. Let the kiss unfold naturally, and try to keep your breath steady and calm. If you need to pull back for a second to catch your breath, that’s A.O.K. And speaking of…

8. Know when to pull back.

With a good kiss, timing is everything. If the kiss starts to feel like it’s reaching its peak, or if you both need a break, it’s perfectly fine to pull away gently. You can continue applying a light touch — say, by resting your hand on their leg — while giving you both a moment to see how the energy has shifted. A kiss doesn’t have to be long to be memorable, and building in some natural, comfortable breaks where you can go back to laughing or talking — this time, with a little more electricity in the air — can be a really good thing. It’s all about the connection you’re building, and not necessarily how long your makeout session lasted.

9. Seal it with a slow smile.

Here’s a truth we hold to be self-evident: After the pull-away, if the kiss was enjoyed, you’re going to have a soft, Post-Good-Kiss Smile on your face. We swear it’s a specific type of smile, and that we’ve all got one in us. That’s a good thing!

Whether the kiss was super sweet or a little more intense, this is always the right moment for that soft smile or a gentle touch. It lets the kiss linger and leaves things on a note of warmth, intimacy, and ease, setting the tone for whatever comes next.